Reckless Insanity

A little more than I can give,..

2007-03-19T01:31:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to post another entry, but I just can't seem to find the time (and possibly the inspiration). So, anyways, I'll be posting about the weekend sometime tomorrow. Preferably not late tomorrow night.

I just wasted ten seconds of your life...

2007-03-16T21:24:00.002-04:00

What a wonderful way for spring break to start.

You know, that time generally thought of as a warm week of freedom for the heavily-burdened student? Yeah, what a joke. It's been precipitating since yesterday afternoon. First it was rain, then it became sleet this afternoon, now it's snowing. I want it to go away. Just go away. I had all sorts of outside plans today, but due to the weather, most of them were dispensed with; I shriveled up and took a nap instead.

I did get out to Social Security today, as one of the potential future dwellings I'm considering needed verification of my SSN before they could check my credit. Both the woman on the phone and the woman behind the desk responded like I was crazy when I said I only wanted the paper that said what my number was.

Let's see... I was thinking about getting a haircut today. I wanted to do laundry. I did get spend a little time cleaning my room. I wanted to get my oil changed. This is an abridged list.

Furthermore on the topic of spring break, where's the break? Between the first three days after the break, I have 2 papers due and three tests to take. I believe I'll be busy writing and reading all week. Just, not tomorrow...

Because tomorrow I'll be out and about from 7:30am until after 11:00pm. Ledos is having some sort of alcohol training thing, and it has to take place (largely) outside of work hours as most of our staff will be there. Once that ends, I'll be working a double shift. Since De closes, I have a feeling I'll be there to close as well.

I had hoped that by the time I finished writing about my life, I'd have come up with something interesting, important, or clever to say. Unfortunately not.

I've dug up miles and miles of sand
Searching for something I can't see
And I've just got bruised and battered hands
And a brand new void inside of me
Complete with walls I did create
From all the earth that I've displaced
A mess that I have made from what
I've just let pile and pile up

The older I get, Maybe I'll get over it...

2007-03-15T00:10:00.000-04:00

Tonight was interesting. I don't know why, it just was.

Ang was unable to find a third person in replacement of Ali, so it was just her and me most of the night. Hillary helped, but she opened and was already scheduled to close on counter, so she couldn't stay on waitstaff forever. Ang too wasn't much interested in taking tables for long, so I spent much of the night paroling the whole dining room, taking some 20 tables and making some $120.

I'd have been out in the 10:45pm range if I had really tried, but I decided to chill and watch some Futurama while rolling silverware. Then, after the silverware in front of me was gone, I preceded to watch more Futurama while not doing anything else. I wasn't exactly holding anyone else up, as by the time I left at 11:30pm, Ren, Matt, and Marty were all still hanging around. They're probably still there now.

When I stepped outside, I immediately wished I had left earlier; what a wonderful night it was. I rolled down the windows and had a lovely drive home, including running into 4 police cars. The air was so nice. It always makes me think about everywhere I could drive to. I had over $400 in my pocket, and I could have gassed up and driven pretty much anywhere. I always get weird when I feel free like that. I think about all the situations I could get into, how I tie myself down to a job, school, and people when I really don't have to, and what I would do if I really could do anything.

I can't wait to really be free from the long-applied restraints of childhood that still control me. It's times like these that I realize just how strong they still are. One of these days, everything that restrains me will be self-created. Is that freedom enough?

I dropped by my fianceé's house and found Hanna leaving and someone turning all the lights out. I still got to see De, but only for a second. It was nice nonetheless. Now here I am, home, sleepless, with a paper to finish that's due at 10:00am, and a head full of thoughts about everything and anything else. Tim's in PA overnight. I'm all alone with my thoughts. Somebody save me...

Could I be lost, could I disappear
Could I be lost, would you find me here
Could I be lost in a secret place
Could I rest in the shadow of your face

I have an announcement to make...

2007-03-09T08:33:00.000-05:00

This is a simple post, with the simple task of alerting anyone who wanders by that I will attempt to write here every so often. Feel free to stop by as you wish and see how I'm doing.

Thank you. :-P

Let it go...

2006-02-16T12:29:00.000-05:00

What can I say? I've not been here to write. Do I need to apologize? Have I done anything wrong? Well, yes I have, but that's unrelated.

I'm here now because I have nothing left to do. This doesn't, and never has, had to make sense to you the reader. I'm sure I would be content to type gibberish here in my current state of mind. Maybe that's what I'm doing.

Where am I? Good question. I am lost in the past and the future. I ended up not taking classes this semester, making it a full year since I've had a full course load. I don't know why this happened, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It is my plan to take a few classes over the summer to make up for this. Sorry Tim, no summer trips for me. The apartment is nominally clean, as I cooked a day-after valentine's day meal for my girlfriend yesterday. I've had some pretty good times with her recently. Too good perhaps, as now I will miss her while we are both separately busy. It's tough taking the bad with the good.

I have more organizing and fixing of things to do in the near future, I have laundry to do... Lots of it! I'm thinking I should look for a few more hours of work per week. I'm not going to find that at Ledo's, so who knows what will happen. Many of the personal habits that I have been trying to... well... make habits are still sitting on my "to do" list as I type. "The wind blows hard, the climb is slow", I guess.

Talkity talk talkity talk talk talk yak... What does one have to do to make himself "want" something anyway?

Oh look, I have a commenter. Hi Jane!

Unforgetful you...

2006-01-22T10:31:00.000-05:00

OK, so it's been a few days. I didn't forget, I got lost... And maybe a little bit lazy.

I've spent a couple of the last few days sleeping in really late. Not my plan, but it is what it is. I'm a lot closer to having my room ready. The big pile of "stuff"in the middle is now a small pile of "stuff", and once I get the rest of it taken care of, I can literally pull everything out of there and do a thorough cleaning of the room.

I've spent a little bit of time with my girlfriend these last few days too, but that's because I'm not going to see her for the next month or so. She'll be busy, I've got stuff I'm still catching up on... busy, busy, busy.

I did get to add some music to the Ipod at work though. I'll be happy to hear a little JoC and RK every now and then while I'm working, and no more Mrs. Potter's Lullaby! Wooooo! *calms back down*

I've got to finish my room, go through all the papers there, and then I've got a lot of phone calls to make. I'll be doing those tomorrow. I don't know what else to say. I guess I have forgotten a few things. This too is life. Off to work!.....!....!....!

When no one else knows how I feel...

2006-01-18T23:52:00.000-05:00

So I'm having a seriously mixed time taking care of things. I played on the computer well into the morning on Tuesday, and ended up sleeping until 3pm. Another day heading for the "wasted" bin. I decided to spend the evening with my girlfriend, so we headed out to Columbia mall. The night wasn't all bad, but we spent a lot of the time in thought and quiet reflection. I also spent a large amount of the time off in the restroom (still not feeling 100% yet I suppose). It's clear that we both struggle with waiting for something; perhaps we are waiting for our lives to actually begin. Whether that is a career, an end to college, marriage, or something else entirely, I'm not sure.

I didn't get to sleep until late again last night, although this was more due to my active mind and a noisy room than me playing around. I woke up around noon this morning, and again didn't succeed in accomplishing much with my time. I returned a DVD to Blockbuster, cleaned out a fridge and freezer full of very old food, started a few minor but important habits (which I need to continue over the next few days), and made a significant amount of money at work, with a little help from my girlfriend's family.

Right now, I'm planning on heading off to bed in a few minutes. I have to work tomorrow, but I have a number of things I hope to do before I go. That means I'll have to be up at a reasonable hour. Goodnight.

Keep the candle burning...

2006-01-16T16:08:00.000-05:00

Today has been a good day so far. Although I couldn't get to sleep last night until probably 2-3am, I managed to get myself up by 9am. I've since gotten a decent amount of work done today, and it's certainly a good sign that I am making progress. Now, I have to manage to keep it up.

I did a load of laundry early, only enough to make sure I was covered for work tonight. I headed down to Radio Shack looking for some CD-RW's and possibly to find out about a HEPA-type air filter. No such luck, my friend and employee of that store wasn't there. I'll have to try again another day. I grabbed a few supplies from Giant, and headed home.

Tim and I also took our broken TV/DVD/VCR to the repair shop. They wanted $45 up front to look at it, and only if we get it repaired there will that money go towards the job. It sucks, but that's how it will be anywhere. So, here's hoping it's not too much to repair, because if it is, it's a $45 loss.

I've spent the last few minutes going through the clothes in my room; that sort of work has to be done before I can even think about doing some of the other things I need to do. I'll probably end up working on that some more tonight.

Guess that's about all I have to say for now. I'm off to work in a few minutes.

I struggle with forward motion...

2006-01-15T12:36:00.000-05:00

Hello again. I had and still have every intention of blogging here regularly, but that becomes a little more difficult when I get sick. I've been in bed since about 6:30pm yesterday, and I've been feeling horrible (still coughing, etc) since over a full day before that. What a way to begin this lovely adventure.

It seems no one has yet to visit my site since I started up again. That's ok. I'm sure slowly but surely people will return. If they don't, that's ok too. The readers aren't the point this time.

How have I been doing? Well, aside from being seriously hindered by this cold/flu/whatever I've had, I could have been worse. I spent the early part of Friday with my girlfriend. We went to breakfast, ran some errands, and generally enjoyed spending time together. I made it to the bank later, where among other things, I deposited my $1.41 check from work. Yay for earning a living!

I worked in the evening, as the host. They've decided I'm SOOO good at hosting, that I can just do it every week now! I'm so happy (that's sarcasm)! Well, considering I'm likely to make $40-$50 for about 4 hours of work on Fridays, it's not a horrible deal, and hosting's really not that bad. I could be make more on a Friday night doing something else though.

I had to go right home after work, which I probably wouldn't have done otherwise, because my brother forgot his key and got locked out. So, I had to let him in. I had quite the fit sleeping that night. My coughing got so bad that night, that I actually drove down to Giant around 4:30am to get myself some cough suppressant. The coughing had given me a nasty headache, so I also grabbed some aleeve. I actually slept pretty well the rest of the night.

Deana decided to drop by around noon (semi-unexpectedly), so that's when I finally got up. She came back around 3pm so we could spend some time together before work. This kind of forced me to straighten things up around the apartment. It didn't look too bad by the time she got here. Unfortunately, by then I was really starting to feel sick to my stomach.

We got to work at 5pm, and by 6pm I was finishing my first three tables. It was then that my body decided it was done fighting my stomach. I'll leave it at that. Management let me finish my tables and leave. I came home and immediately went to sleep. "Sleep", here includes waking up every 1-3 hours. I lost the battle with my stomach once more, around 11:30pm. However, after having some toast, I slept pretty well throughout most of the night. It was after 11am before I woke up this morning.

I guess that's about it so far. I don't expect to do anything today, except possibly go to work. I'm not sure if I'm feeling up to it or not, but I've got about another hour or two to figure that out. I've got a lot of stuff to make up for on Monday though.

If I were not so weak, if I were not so cold...

2006-01-13T06:22:00.000-05:00

*Looks around*

I guess I haven't been here in a while. That's the way life works, I suppose. When we are young, we find things to fill our time, full of whimsy and freedom, lost in the care-free spirit. As we grow and age, however, we find we have things we must do with that time, and since no new time magically appears for us to use, we must inevitably leave behind the activities and events of the past, in order to make room. Perhaps this is what happened to me and my blogging.

Well, I'm back... At least for now.

As can be seen from my previous failure to post, I don't seem to be able to blog simply for the fun of it. I don't, as some have said, gain some therapeutic effect from my writings. I often find it annoying, since I never like the way my words come out, and I seem to always be located towards the bottom of the list when it comes to the eloquence of my writing about my days. Not having a large reading audience doesn't help motivate me either.

However, I think I may have found a good reason to resume my blogging ventures (thus, the reason why I am here). Perhaps there is a purpose for my writing down the events of my day. No promises though.

As many of my potential readers may already be aware of ( I say potential, because after not blogging for over seven months, I don't expect many people to check here anymore), I am now co-head of my household. My mom moved out to Utah on December 28. 2005, and my brother and I are now responsible for keeping the apartment clean, keeping the lights, heat, internet, and phone on, and making enough money to accomplish that (as well as trying to stay in college).

Being me, I know how I tend to handle new responsibilities. It usually takes me until well past the time when things are due for me to get myself ready enough to START handling those issues. I don't want that to happen this time. That CANNOT happen this time.

So, my plan is to use this blog as a sort of accountability for myself, allowing me to reflect on my day, as well as react to my successes... Or failures. Yes, I know I will fail. I also know that it is a learning process, and as long as I don't die of exposure or starvation, I should only be better for the experience. I am going to try to blog about my day, every day. I'll talk about what I did, what I didn't do, what's in the future for me, and what I'm thinking in regards to those topics. So, enjoy, or do not... It's all your decision.

Perhaps my revival of this blog will keep those spammers away as well. Look, I'm killing two birds with one stone! Seems I'm already on the right track.

To any readers I may still have: you are free to read, you are free to comment. However, the rest is solely up to me. The last thing I need during times of failure is someone telling me to "shape up", for example. That said, I will always appreciate encouragement, and I will always appreciate prayers.

It's good to be back, even if this is at the sacrifice of my sleep tonight (I couldn't sleep anyways, I've been coughing all night).

Don't wanna get up in your face...

2005-05-30T02:11:00.000-04:00

... because more than likely, you are asleep.

I just finished sending a really long message to a friend, and now I don't feel like blogging. I'll try to talking about D.C. and my day today in the morning after I too get some sleep.

Guten Nacht!

Never know what ya got...

2005-05-27T21:09:00.000-04:00

Nothing to say today... spent my time all day sleeping, giving rides, and playing electronic games. It's the strangest of paradoxes, where one wants to get out of school because they are slammed with classes, but once those classes are over, there is almost a sense of "missing" that having something to do with one's time. I haven't quite reached that point yet, as I'm perfectly content to just waste away my days still.

A little bit of news for those of you out there who can't stand the music here at my blogspot... I plan on posting the same entries as here at a second location (with music optional): My Myspace

I'm going down to D.C. tomorrow, as we're meeting some friends who are in town from the other Washington. Should be fun. After that, I work. I don't know if I'll get a chance to blog tomorrow.

I guess I'll leave it at that.

P.S. - TWO COMMENTS! W00H00! (btw, I am going to try to comment in other blogs a little more)

Lying awake, night after night...

2005-05-27T02:28:00.000-04:00

It seems I've only been on at nights recently. There's not a whole lot I can do about it though. This is the time I seem to find myself online. I know I'm not posting everyday anymore either. During the school semester, I'm at a computer every day. Over the summer though, not only am I busy with other things, but I don't have an automatic reason to be online. I'll try to keep up though.

Good night to all of you out there.

(And I know I'm being a hypocrite here, but I could use some commentors *wink*.)

Barely breathing...

2005-05-25T20:56:00.000-04:00

I'm alive... and...

I'm FINISHED!

Woo!

*crashes*

There's just too much that time can not erase...

2005-05-23T13:09:00.000-04:00

Whoops.

I realize now that besides yesterday, I missed Friday too. I don't know how that happened. Oh well, life happens I suppose. I missed yesterday because I literally didn't touch the computer all day, and by the time I got on at 2am this morning, I was too tired to blog anything.

Just three finals to go now, and then I'm home free for the semester. I still haven't signed up for anything for the fall, and with each passing day my chances of getting anything worthwhile are narrowing. I actually wouldn't mind the semester off though, so I'm not complaining too much.

The last couple of nights I've talked online with a childhood friend of mine. Although he was my best friend throughout elementary school and for years afterwards as I was homeschooled, we basically just stopped talking a few years ago. My brother reminded me that the first time I saw Star Wars Episode I, I saw it with this friend. I had completely forgotten about that, and I realize now that that was about the time he stopped hanging out. Anyways, it's been really good to spend some time catching up on my past, and remembering that there were a lot of good parts of my childhood mixed in with the bad parts.

I came over to school today so I could use the computers freely and not have to struggle with two other people vying for time. Now that I'm here, I am beginning to notice how funny the animals here on campus are. Last week, a couple of geese hissed at me as I was walking to my car. I suppose they were just protecting their babies, but that was not a sound I expected to hear from a goose. The fish in the pond don't do anything: if I drop a rock on top of them, they'll let it hit them and bounce off. If I didn't know that were real, I'd say they were fake fish. Then today as I am walking to the library, I walk past a clump of trees with a hawk perched on a branch. I guess I got too close or something, because it started "KKKAAAWWW"ing that me like a bird-car alarm. I'll probably get assaulted by a herd of retrievers (school mascot) next.

I'll leave this entry to that, as I will now get back to my studying. Tchuss!

Will you be there...

2005-05-22T01:56:00.000-04:00

As I fall to sleep will you comfort me?
When my heart is weak will you rescue me?

Will you be there as I grow cold?
Will you be there when I'm falling down?
Will you be there?

When I'm in retreat can I run to you?
Will my pain release at your mercy seat?

Will you be there as I grow cold?
Will you be there when I'm falling down?
Will you be there?
My heart grows cold
Will you be there when I'm falling down?

Are you saying so?
Oh, I gotta believe it
Are you saying yeah?
When your love comes down I can rest my eyes
Feel your grace and power flood into my life
As my brokenness and your strength collide
When your love comes down, falling down

As I fall to sleep
As I fall to sleep

Will you be there as I grow cold?
Will you be there when I'm falling down?
Will you be there?
My heart grows cold
Will you be there when I'm falling down?

This is a beautiful song, and one I'm thinking about at 2am this morning. visit here to listen to a low quality version of it. Thats all for now. I'll count this as Saturday's entry.

My my, this here Anakin guy...

2005-05-19T14:03:00.000-04:00

12:01 this morning, the final episode in the saga of the Jedi came to a close, with the opening of Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

WARNING: I might be spoiling some things for those who have not see it yet.

This was a movie with a lot of good, and a lot of bad. Here's my take on it:

The Good:

Visual Effects. The movie opened with a breathtaking view of a space battle scene over Corusant. The detail in the background as we follow our Jedi heroes is incredible. Although some of the dialogue in this scene takes away from the full effect, this is easily the best space battle scene in the entire saga (in my opinion). The other stunning scene in the movie came towards the end, with the volcano lightsaber battle between Anakin and Obi-wan. Again, visually, this scene blows away any previous scenes of its kind, even the Darth Maul vs. Qui Gon and Obi-wan scene from Episode I.

Action Sequences. Although the opening scene ends with an awkward battle and rescue of chancellor Palpatine, after that point, the war and lightsaber scenes were excellently done. I did not know what to expect when I was General Grevious, but I was pleasantly surprised by his use of four (count 'em, four!) lightsabers in his battle with Obi-wan. Not only were the action scenes visually pleasurable, but mostly, they had much of the depth that made the battles of the original trilogy so special. Hearing Obi-wan say "Well, then you are lost!" as he realized he had no other choice but to kill Anakin had a similar ring to Luke refusing to kill Vader in 'Jedi'. The clone and droid fights were well done as well, showing a more war-like atmosphere than that of previous episodes. One last thing I want to mention is that we had to wait until this movie to really see Yoda fight. In Episode II, he jumped around and battled, but it left me unsatisfied, which I was not with his scene in Episode III.

Anakin's Transformation. In a scene that reminded me of Luke on Tatooine in the double-sunset, Anakin sat in the Jedi Counsel room and stared into the sky, his thoughts obviously on Padme. It was this moment that he decided he would do whatever it took to rescue and protect Padme. As Mace Windu is about to kill Palpatine, Anakin exclaims that he "needs" Palpatine, even though minutes before he expressed a desire to kill the Sith himself. Anakin, driven by his desire to save Padme from death, instead of taking Yoda's advice to "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose", listens when Palpatine says "I have the power to save the one you love". He cuts off Windu's arm, and allows Palpatine to finish the Jedi Master off. Faced with the fact that he has just killed Windu, he is left with only one option: join Palpatine. Ironically, Anakin's desire to save Padme ends up killing her.

Correlation to Original Trilogy. I knew before I stepped into the theatre that this movie would either be one of the best movies in the saga or the absolute worst. This was going to fall primarily on how well Lucas connected Episode III to Episode IV. I believe this is the true gem within this movie. We see Anakin become Vader, and we understand why he wears the mask we all know and love. We understand why Obi-wan and Yoda (as well as Qui-Gon) live on in spirit forms; we understand why Obi-wan moves to Tatooine, why the droids don't recognize him, How Luke and Leia find themselves where they are, as well as nearly every other question that needed to be answered. It is not a long step to see where Episode IV follows after this movie.

Foreshadowing and Postshadowing. Vader's remark "When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master" from A New Hope is made clear through the Volcano battle scene. I thoroughly enjoyed the similarity between the fate of Anakin and his son, Luke. Both in the end were presented with danger to a loved one, and Anakin fell to the dark side through it, whereas Luke did not. The presence of Chewbacca, though not central to the movie, was a pleasant foreshadow to his place in the original trilogy. The ships, growing increasingly like those from A New Hope, were also a sight worth seeing (early TIE fighters, X-Wings, Blockade Runners and Star Destroyers).

The Bad:

Dialogue. Little comments made, especially in the opening sequence, like "This is where the fun begins" by Anakin and others drew attention away from more important parts of the story. Throughout the story, there were comments made that didn't appear to fit, or that were spoken in a puzzling way. After receiving his mechanical suit, Vader didn't sound like he should, and his "NO!" at hearing of Padme's death seemed utterly fake. There were good parts of the dialogue, however, and Obi-wan's exclamation "You were the chosen one!" as Anakin burst into flames sent chills down my spine. Overall though, I think the dialogue cost this movie a lot in the long run.

Padme. Her character was not bad, but her character had nothing to do during 9/10 of the movie. She sat at home wanting just to leave the politics of war behind and run off with Anakin. Her character has literally no significant part until the volcano scene on Mustafar at the end.

Cuts. I got annoyed as every scene started with an aerial view of some building or group of buildings in Corusant. Yes, the scenes were nice, with all the vehicles flying around, but it became monotonous by the end.

Questions. Although I believe Lucas did a wonderful job connecting the new trilogy with the original one, there were still questions and possible contradictions. How did Leia see her mother when Padme died after giving birth? Why didn't Obi-wan know there was another (Leia) when Luke let him and Yoda down in 'Empire'? Why didn't Obi-wan recognize R2-D2 and C3PO when they came to him in A New Hope? These questions may not be insurmountable, but they do leave the watcher wondering.

Overall, I thought this was clearly the best movie of the three new ones, and was in the same level as the original trilogy. After two sub-par movies, I think Lucas redeemed himself and the Star Wars name with an excellent end to an epic saga that wll live on for many years to come.

My rating: 8/10

I - 5/10
II - 6/10
III - 8/10
IV - 9/10
V - 8/10
VI - 9/10

... The catalyst to my heart's happiness...

2005-05-18T11:33:00.000-04:00

So wrong, can't embrace it...

2005-05-17T15:32:00.000-04:00

So here I am again, for the (non-technically) fourth day in a row. This is seriously a record for me. This should be a short one, as I don't have much time.

I took my phone to the Verizon store last night, and because of the time, they wouldn't look at it until the morning. I didn't mind, because I couldn't use it anyway. Well, I go back this morning, and they did check it: the charger is busted, and I have to spend $30 to get a new one. Ok, that's not too bad. Except, the guy takes 15 minutes roaming around the store, and eventually tells me they don't have a replacement in stock.

Didn't anyone think to look for a replacement at the time they determined it was busted?!?!

So after 15 minutes of searching and me now being late for class, I still have no charger, my phone is still dead, and the guy tells me to drive up to the Owings Mills store to see if they have my charger.

Didn't anyone think to call up there and see if they have one, and maybe have them either save one for me or send it down to the Catonsville store?!?!

Stupid people. Stupid Verizon. Stupid phone.

I don't have much else to say, and I need to get going because I have work soon. I get to come home tonight and work on more papers... what fun. At least my classes, minus finals, are officially over. For all of you out there who talk to me semi-normally, this blog might be our only form of communication for the next few days. And for those out there who don't check this, well, you're not reading this anyway, so why should I even say anything to you?

Talk to you all later.

The way it always was, it's no longer good enough...

2005-05-16T14:51:00.000-04:00

I need to be brave.

That's easier said than done.

I'm sitting here in the library, doing anything I can to distract me from all this work I have to do. I hate being a procrastinator. I feel like I never have enough time for the things I want to do. Things like spend time with my girlfriend, keep the house clean (more of a need than want, but still...), read, sleep, enjoy life.

The problem is that when I evaluate these things and my life, it's not because I have too much to do that I cannot do the things I want, it's that I procrastinate in doing the things I need to do. Granted, writing this entry only takes 10 minutes, but I will probably have wasted most of these three hours here by the time it's said and done. Still, I have to do this work sometime. So, instead of doing it now and enjoying myself later, I play around, piddle, and waste away my time on the little things (thanks Hanna for getting that stupid comic stuck in my mind).

Anyways, I won't let myself go to bed tonight until I've gotten a day's worth of work done, and if that means I don't sleep, then I won't sleep. I need to teach myself a lesson. I hope to have re-evaluated myself enough over the summer to be able to avoid all this mess when the fall semester comes around.

That is, if I even attend school in the fall. My mother has not called the guy who holds my college fund (I'd do it myself, but I cannot touch that fund until I turn 21... in a month). For me to register for classes in the fall, I need to 1) see a counselor to clear me for registering, and 2) have paid for the spring semester. To pay for the spring semester, I need the money from that fund. I've expressly said that if I cannot get the classes I need because they are full (registration started April 25), then I will not take classes this semester. Sigh. It makes me wonder what the point is anyways.

As I look outside, I see it is a wonderful day. I think I might go out there and enjoy it for a few before going to class and getting back to work. That's all folks!

Additions to my Summer list:

Celebrate end of semester
Fix phone (although I'll probably do this today or tomorrow)
Start eating a little better
Clean up the apartment, and more specifically, my bedroom

**No Hannas were intentionally insulted in the writing of this blog entry.**

A little more than I can give...

2005-05-16T01:52:00.000-04:00

I know this is a late post for Sunday, but I planned on writing something about how I had done nothing all day, when my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to do anything...

~~one thing I want to be clear about: I will not let this blog interfere with the real-time activities of my life. It is extra, and though I will try my best to maintain it, I will fill my days with adventures elsewhere and forsake it if given the chance~~

... anyways... well, basically I brought her hamsters over for her to see them. She barely gets to see them while they're living here with me, and she's missing them growing up. I suppose that after that, here I am.

We were watching this documentary about this guy Aron Ralston (I think that's how it's spelled) how had his arm crushed in a canyon and was stuck there alone for six days without food or water. He had to literally torque his arm in such a way as to break the bones so he could cut the flesh and muscle and nerve off (thus removing his arm... and saving his life). It was kind of a scary thought, of having to do that to myself.

As for the rest of my day, I woke up about 1pm again, because I stayed up late playing Quest 64. It's funny how the old games become fun again when you haven't played them in forever. Anyways, I proceeded to spend a large portion of the day today also playing Quest (although I think I have it mostly out of my system).

I'm starting my list of things I wish to do over the summer. Here's what I have so far:

Get a haircut
Buy new shoes
Write 50,000 words toward a novel
Spend a serious amount of time revisiting my faith and possibly getting well into reading the Bible
I'll probably spend a week or so in Utah/Arizona/California on vacation with my family
I might spend a few days at Ocean City with my girlfriend's family (we'll see what happens with that later)

But first I have to finish my papers so I can maybe go see Star Wars Ep. III on opening night. And speaking of nights, I hope you all have a great one. *goes to bed*

To go back to where I was would just be wrong...

2005-05-14T15:31:00.000-04:00

So as a sign of good faith, I may as well say something here to jumpstart my newfound (but possibly foolish) commitment to this media... please be advised I'm not going to say something profound every time I write; in fact, my writings will probably be quite boring...

Let's see, considering that I didn't fall asleep until 3am this morning, I didn't even awaken until 1pm. My afternoon is slowly wasting away, as I watch my brother play Quest64, and I myself listen to Relient K and format this blog. Soon I'll have to go off to work, after which I will probably do some homework, because it'll be past 11pm by that point. What fun.

Be back tomorrow... I hope...

Ok, so I've decided...

2005-05-14T02:10:00.000-04:00

As Hanna's "other" blog states, the story is only "so far". Therefore, I am putting this forward... that I am going to TRY to blog at least something every day. I don't know if this will include these last two weeks of classes or not, but at least after that point... we'll see how much determination and loyalty I can muster.

And hopefully this will bring in readers (and commentors *wink*).

We were meant to live for so much more...

2005-05-14T01:40:00.000-04:00

Well anyways, I wanted to say something tonight before I drag myself off to bed. I should just stick to today I suppose. I had my last discussion class today (soooo happy the semester is almost over), and I found out I got a perfect on my last test. so far I still have a 98.6 in that class (funny... that's ironic), so I don't even have to do all that well on the last test or abortion schema to keep my A (although it's a 150 level course, I BETTER get an A). Anyways, here's somewhat what my schema looks like:

- P1: When one voluntarily performs an action, he or she is causally responsible for the potential consequences of that action.

- P2: The life of a fetus is a potential consequence of heterosexual intercourse.

- C1: When one voluntarily engages in heterosexual intercourse, he or she is causally responsible for the potential consequence of the life of a fetus. (P1, P2)

- P3: Causal responsibility for a potential consequence entails moral responsibility for that consequence only if the consequence is a foreseeable potential consequence of the action performed.

- P4: The life of a fetus is a foreseeable potential consequence of heterosexual intercourse.

- C2: When one voluntarily engages in heterosexual intercourse, he or she is morally responsible for the potential consequence of the life of a fetus. (C1, P3, P4)

Well, I guess this is as far as I've gotten, but just because one is morally responsible for that life does not mean abortion is impermissible (the conclusion I want to reach). Anyways, I digress...

I got out of class, searched for a book I need to write another paper i have due, couldn't find it, then went home. Later I went to work, made $99 on what turned out to be a rather fun-kind-of-busy evening. It was one of those night where all your tables are full, but you are waiting for food for all of them, so you have nothing to do. It could have been worse (I'll leave it with that).

After work, I went over to my girlfriend's house, took her out of for a late dinner, and here I am. I suppose I could speak of how everything (mainly work and school, but in some ways, other things too) is squeezing our time together away, how Ledo's habit of scheduling us at opposite times and our varying class schedules are keeping us from spending quality time together at reasonable hours... but I won't (oh wait, I just did). I guess I'm too tired for my own good.

Anyways I look forward to a possibly wonderful summer, with no school, quite a few vacations, probably lots of work (but lots of money), and lots of amazing memories. Now, since it's nearing 2am as I continue to write, I think I'll go to bed. Sleep well all!

Tomorrow morning if you wake up...
And the sun does not appear...
I... I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love...
Hold my hand and have no fear...
I... I will be here.

What is real, and just a dream...

2005-04-29T00:02:00.000-04:00

I happen to have Tim's blog open at the moment, so that where my title comes from. Anyways...

(Don't I do that alot? And doesn't it annoy you sooooo much?)

Lets see... I am almost through the semester! W00t for me. I've got four 5+ papers left to do, three finals, and two short writing assignments still to do. I suppose that w00t doesn't mean as much now as it did a moment ago.

You know something isn't right when you actually hope your teacher stays sick, because you like the sub better (I don't actually hope she stays sick). The sub is really nice, engages us far more than the normal teacher, uses examples we have heard of before (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, etc...) instead of obscure references, and knows how to keep us interested... he's actually quite funny. I wouldn't dislike this class as I as now if he had been teaching all semester.

Ya know, yesterday was the first time that I really had a night that just frustrated me so badly. It's a long story, so I'll basically just say that I had a table walk out after they'd been waiting for about 25 minutes. That along with 1000 other things at that moment just beat my will to work to bits... not that I had much to begin with.

That's about all I feel like saying right now... I have the whole afternoon mostly free, so I think I'll enjoy it and maybe use a little bit of it to get working on that schoolwork I still have to do.

Tschüss!

Hypnoseel's Quotes

2005-04-25T13:59:00.000-04:00

"Nothing endures but change." - Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." - James 5:16 (NIV)

"Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without... This is the nature of the universe. We struggle against it, we fight to deny it, but it is of course pretense, it is a lie. Beneath our poised appearance, the truth is we are completely out of control. Causality. There is no escape from it, we are forever slaves to it. Our only hope, our only peace is to understand it, to understand the ’why’... ’Why’ is the only real social power, without it you are powerless." - Merovingian (The Matrix Reloaded - 2003)

"You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? " - Homer Simpson

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

Hey, remember me, I remember you...

2005-04-18T12:32:00.000-04:00

Walking Away...

I haven't been here in a while. Oh well. Sorry to those out there who've missed me. I hope you come back to read this... anyways...

Yeah, life goes on. Classes, work, sleep, people, classes, work, sleep, people... That's all life is when you live it this way.

And isn't that how we design our lives... to work that way? I'm supposed to spend the first 25 years of my life learning everything I can, despite the fact that I'll never remember much less use 90% of it. Then, I'm supposed to spend the next 40+ years making money so that I can eat food, own a house, drive a car, and relax every once in a while. All this, while trying to make lasting relationships with people who are doing the same monotonous things as me.

Is there really a point to it all?

Is our simple existence really worth all the things we go through?

And yet, I realize this, have the potential power to change it (I at least have the power to try), but I don't do squat. I get up every morning, go to school, go to work, maybe spend some time with someone, play some games or watch some TV, go to bed, and get up and do the same thing the next day.

I grow tired of the routine.

"Walking Away" by Lifehouse

---The sun goes down as the city lights
Pave their way through the darkest night.
Rain drops fall as an old man cries,
Never thought to ever think twice.

Of all he had, of all he lost,
A selfish life I guess comes with the cost.

Hey, remember me, I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me, I remember you walking away

Same old street just a different name,
Same old house just the families changed.
Picket fence, the windows stained.
Freedom spells by a man in chains.

Silence is all we have to give and
The memories of a life I wished we lived.

Hey, remember me, I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me, I remember you walking away

From all that you made, that you lost or threw away,
Trade it in for a brand new life.
But I cant, can't let go, cant turn around.
Hold my head high and walk away.

Hey, remember me, I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me, I remember you walking away ---

Feels like I need to walk away...

And how can I stand here with you...

2005-03-12T00:44:00.000-05:00

(Don't ask me why I titled this post that, it's just running through my head...)

Yes, the timestamp is correct, it is about 12:45am, on March 12th. I am awake for some reason. Just something about my day today that I cannot seem to put myself to bed. Anyways, I know I never finished the last two entries, and though I probably won't do that right now, You all should know that, in fact, I am still alive.

I've had a ton on my mind recently, ranging from philosophical issues in my classes, to religious questions that won't seem to go away, to practical circumstances as of recent. My thoughts are just too random right now to articulate (too big a word for me too)

So goodnight to you all, as I think I will finally head off to sleep. I hope to update again in the morning, where maybe I'll actually say something of value.

P.S. - I know I haven't updated the ticker, I'll take care of that tomorrow I hope as well. Guten Nacht!

Ok, so other stuff...

2005-03-08T16:36:00.000-05:00

Wow, I just noticed that it has been a week since I blogged anything about my LIFE! (Not that there are many of you out there who don't already know who would care)

Lets see... sincne the last time I posted about life...

Well, De's hamster "Niles" got away, so I bought her a new one. She named it Fraiser. Then, we found Niles, so she gave Fraiser to my brother, who has "unofficially" named it Griffo. If you read his blog, you'll know all about that.

(Again, I find myself having to leave... I'll finish this one up tomorrow)

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you is determinism; the way you play it is free will. ~ Jawaharlal Nehru (1889 - 1964)

We have to believe in free will. We’ve got no choice. ~ Isaac Bashevis Singer (1904 - 1991), "The Times" (1982)

Walking By...

2005-03-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

"This world is living
In the pit of despair
And no one knows it
They are all unaware
She sits on the edge
And ponders what'd follow
If she fell away
Would life still be hollow?
Could it be better
To embrace the next chance
To leave behind this
One-sided endless dance?"

~~From "Apathy"~~

These are lyrics I wrote a while ago. (Visit here to see some of my song lyrics) Anyways, as I'm walking to my classes these last couple of mornings, I've seen all these people walking along the sidewalks between buildings, some of them are talking, some are standing, some are standing and talking, and others are doing one of a million different things. The sight makes me wonder: do they all know where they're going? I can just imagine that there is a giant fiery hole in front of them, and one by one they are falling into it, not even noticing it's there.

I'd like to think of myself as a witness, standing off to the side, watching as these people walk like lemmings to their demises, but I am forced to realize that I may as well be one of them. I cannot see the ground in front of my feet, and for all I know I may lose my footing where I stand and fall. This makes the nature of life a relatively scary one.

I must rest on something. I must find something strong. Thankfully, I do have such a Rock. However, even then, I tend to climb off and wander without even realizing it. It's such a hard thing to stay grounded, and to avoid the potential pitfalls of life when everyone else seems to be out there in the sand and doing better than I am. There was this painting on the wall of one of the rooms at the church my family used to attend when I was little. I saw it more recently as a cub scout, but still it's been many years. It had a large crowd wandering down a street, and towards the end there was a fork. One side of the fork was lined with flashing signs and pleasures. The other, held the cross. A few people actually were walking across the cross towards a white and gold city, but the mass was following this other path downward, ending in a fiery pit.

I claim to know the Truth. I don't claim to know that what I know is Truth, but only that I believe that what I know is Truth. Yet, if this is true, why do I find myself walking blindly, instead of in the light of Christ? There's a story I wrote a while ago too, that sort of deals with the same thing (see here and here). Only now, it seems as I am somewhat in the dark, at least at times. I guess we all feel that way at times.

(I'm not really finished with this entry, but I'm out of time, so up it goes. I'll finish it after class...)

Who Am I?

2005-03-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

"Who Am I" by Casting Crowns

I hate posting so many long stories and song lyrics, but some of the best things take a long time to say.

I am moved by music. Seriously, if there is anything that I can count on to motivate me, make me think, or to put me back on the right track, it's some good music. I listen to it, and what it's saying just hits me so hard, and I actually feel the words. Today, I got hit with this song.

Who am I? When I boil it down, and I really think about it, I am literally nothing: physically, socially, emotionally, mentally, and in any other category you could consider me with. I am a fallen person, and truly, I don't deserve anything. I have so much that should not be mine, that is only mine by the Grace of God. He knows my name, when it should be forgotten for all eternity. He feels it when I struggle and hurt and bleed. Not only does He know these as His own, but He cares that I must face them. I am truly not worthy of the home I have, the opportunity for learning I have, the friends and family I have, the wonderful person I have who I hope will one day walk beside me in life. Who am I to think these are things I deserve, or can claim as mine?

It causes me to question, why? Why? WHY? Why do I have these things? I guess the point is I have them because Someone up there thinks the world of me. I don't know why, I don't need to know why, even though I continue to ask (that's the philosopher in me, always asking "why"). The great part is, IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! I don't have to worry about losing His love, because if I could ever do that, I would have already done so. I have spit in the face of God with my life so many times. Soon, I will be gone, like a vapor in the wind, and I could so easily be forgotten. Yet, God refuses to forget me. Despite my being worthless and empty by myself, I can't help but feel special and loved.

I know I am nothing. Knowing that, it makes the things I am blessed enough to have worth so much more; and I don't shake my fists in anger when I don't have them. I suppose I originally had a point to get out of all this, but in got lost in my feeble little mind. I hope you, the reader, can get something worthwhile in it.

Thank you God, for hearing when I call, and catching me when I fall.

The Philosophy Class

2005-03-04T00:02:00.000-05:00

"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. "You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes, sir."

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!" He considers for a moment.. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you could... in fact most of us would if we could... God doesn't."

[No answer.]

"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

[No answer]

The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. In philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones. "Let's start again, young fella."

"Is God good?"

"Er... Yes."

"Is Satan good?"

"No."

"Where does Satan come from?" The student falters..

"From... God..."

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns to the smirking, student audience. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun this semester, ladies and gentlemen." He turns back to the Christian..

"Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God make everything?"

"Yes."

"Who created evil?"

[No answer]

"Is there sickness in this world? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness. All the terrible things - do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"Who created them?"

[No answer]

The professor suddenly shouts at his student. "WHO CREATED THEM? TELL ME, PLEASE!" The professor closes in for the kill and climbs into the Christian's face. In a still small voice: "God created all evil, didn't He, son?"

[No answer]

The student tries to hold the steady, experienced gaze and fails. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace the front of the classroom like an aging panther. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues, "How is it that this God is good if He created all evil throughout all time?" The professor swishes his arms around to encompass the wickedness of the world. "All the hatred, the brutality, all the pain, all the torture, all the death and ugliness and all the suffering created by this good God is all over the world, isn't it, young man?"

[No answer]

"Don't you see it all over the place? Huh?"

Pause..

"Don't you?" The professor leans into the student's face again and whispers, "Is God good?"

[No answer]

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor. I do."

The old man shakes his head sadly. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No, sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir. I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus... in fact, do you have any sensory perception of your God whatsoever?"

[No answer]

"Answer me, please."

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"You're AFRAID... you haven't?"

"No, sir."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"...yes..."

"That takes FAITH!" The professor smiles sagely at the underling. "According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son? Where is your God now?"

[The student doesn't answer]

"Sit down, please."

The Christian sits...Defeated..

--------------

Another Christian raises his hand. "Professor, may I address the class?"

The professor turns and smiles. "Ah, another Christian in the vanguard! Come, come, young man. Speak some proper wisdom to the gathering."

The Christian looks around the room. "Some interesting points you are making, sir. Now I've got a question for you. Is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"Is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No, sir, there isn't."

The professor's grin freezes. The room suddenly goes very cold. The second Christian continues. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold, otherwise we would be able to go colder than 458 below zero. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence. A pin drops somewhere in the classroom.

"Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"

"That's a dumb question, son. What is night if it isn't darkness? What
are you getting at...?"

"So you say there is such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes..."

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something, it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker and give me a jar of it. Can you give me a jar of darker darkness, professor?"

Despite himself, the professor smiles at the young effrontery before him. This will indeed be a good semester. "Would you mind telling us what your point is, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with and so your conclusion must be in error...."

The professor goes toxic. "Flawed...? How dare you...!"

"Sir, may I explain what I mean?"

The class is all ears..

"Explain... oh, explain..." The professor makes an admirable effort to regain control. Suddenly he is affability itself. He waves his hand to silence the class, for the student to continue.

"You are working on the premise of duality," the Christian explains. "That for example there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science cannot even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism but has never seen, much less fully understood them. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, merely the absence of it."

The young man holds up a newspaper he takes from the desk of a neighbor who has been reading it. "Here is one of the most disgusting tabloids this country hosts, professor. Is there such a thing as immorality?"

"Of course there is, now look..."

"Wrong again, sir. You see, immorality is merely the absence of morality. Is there such thing as injustice? No. Injustice is the absence of justice. Is there such a thing as evil?" The Christian pauses. "Isn't evil the absence of good?"

The professor's face has turned an alarming color. He is so angry he is temporarily speechless.

The Christian continues. "If there is evil in the world, professor, and we all agree there is, then God, if he exists, must be accomplishing a work through the agency of evil. What is that work, God is accomplishing? The Bible tells us it is to see if each one of us will, of our own free will, choose good over evil."

The professor bridles. "As a philosophical scientist, I don't view this matter as having anything to do with any choice; as a realist, I absolutely do not recognize the concept of God or any other theological factor as being part of the world equation because God is not observable."

"I would have thought that the absence of God's moral code in this world is probably one of the most observable phenomena going," the Christian replies. "Newspapers make billions of dollars reporting it every week! Tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor makes a sucking sound with his teeth and gives his student a silent, stony stare.

"Professor. Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a priest?"

"I'll overlook your impudence in the light of our philosophical discussion. Now, have you quite finished?" the professor hisses.

"So you don't accept God's moral code to do what is righteous?"

"I believe in what is - that's science!"

"Ahh! SCIENCE!" the student's face splits into a grin. "Sir, you rightly state that science is the study of observed phenomena. Science too is a premise which is flawed..."

"SCIENCE IS FLAWED..?" the professor splutters.

The class is in uproar.

The Christian remains standing until the commotion has subsided. "To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, may I give you an example of what I mean?" The professor wisely keeps silent.

The Christian looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out in laughter.

The Christian points towards his elderly, crumbling tutor. "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, tasted or smelt the professor's brain?" No one appears to have done so.

The Christian shakes his head sadly. "It appears no one here has had any sensory perception of the professor's brain whatsoever. Well, according to the rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science, I DECLARE that the professor has no brain."

The class is in chaos.

The Christian sits. Because that is what a chair is for.

Hypnoseel's Quotes:

2005-03-03T10:49:00.000-05:00

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." - 1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." - Martha Washington

"I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy"
- Nichole Nordeman, "Legacy"

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." - 1 Timothy 1:15-16 (NIV)

"To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die: to sleep: no more; And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to,--'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub: For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause" - William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"

I'm Back

2005-03-01T13:40:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a while since I've blogged, so I figured I'd blog again. I was hoping someone out there would be reading what I say, and that someone would comment on it, but I don't seem to be getting many of those. Oh well, it shows how unimportant I am to most of the world. Not that I care if I'm unimportant, so long as I'm important to a few, but a guy can hope, can't he?

Anyways, yeah. Quite a bit has happened since last I blogged, but at the same time, nothing has really happened. De bought a pair of adorable little hamsters on Friday, but since her parents won't let her keep them in the house, my brother and I get to take care of them until she moves out. I don't mind, they're great to have around the house (snowball, my hamster, gets neglected a little methinks), but they are constantly hiding in their new roomy living space, and I can never find them! It must be nice to be a hamster.

I took my first test in PHIL 150 on Friday, I don't know how I did yet and I probably won't know for two whole weeks, but I think I did pretty well. I'm certainly glad that we are done talking about pornography, but I'm not looking forward to March 17-18 when I have three midterms over two days! *hides like a hamster* Maybe the snow will keep coming and I won't have all those classes. I've gotten to miss a bunch of classes recently due to snow.

All right, here we go, onto the really deep stuff. I was online last night, and an old friend of mine was also on AIM. He used to drive a bunch of us off to Navigators (he still drives my brother home) before I graduated, and I hadn't seen him in a while much less talked to him. Anyways, he guessed who I was because he didn't know me from my screenname. We still didn't get to talk much because he had to get to sleep (so did I really, this was 12:30am), but I did notice a link to a blog in his profile.

Now, this guy was/is a leader in the Navs group, and I looked up to him, thinking that I wanted to have the kind of fire and spirit and heart for God that he had. He always had great stories about what God was doing in his life, and the enthusiasm he publicly showed for his faith was refreshing. Yet, as I looked through this blog (there were only maybe five entries), I saw a totally different person. This person struggled as I did. This person did not have the perfect relationship with God. He fought to hear God speaking and leading in his life. These are many of the same things I fight with, at times not feeling God's leading, not being confident that I was in God's will, and struggling with my prayer life and one-on-one relationship with my Lord.

I have fallen into a bit of a rut in my spiritual life. I have not been attending church, not praying as much as I should be, not reading the Word as I should be. Yes, these are things I need to return to, and this God's help, I plan to. However, it was helpful and motivating to see that not everyone, even the people who seem to have it all together, come by these things easily. They have to fight against themselves to maintain a healthy relationship and passion and faith in God. I hope and pray that I can regain the strength to fight for myself again.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...

2005-02-24T13:29:00.000-05:00

W00t! Snow is cool... especially when it gets you out of classes. I only wish it had gotten me out of my early class today. Instead, I get to miss my later class, which I don't mind attending, but I have to listen to my aesthetics teacher drone on about conceptual and aesthetic properties. She was making no sense, her information was so logically flawed, and when a few of us tried to point this out, she just blew us off as speaking of unrelated matters.

Here's what I mean: She claims that given a description of a piece of art (painting, sculpture, music, etc), you cannot claim to know any aesthetic properties of that art (beautiful, dynamic, fiery, interesting, etc). However, you COULD claim to know what properties it DIDN'T have. We tried to explain that this depends on how detailed the description was, and that someone telling you a painting is "red, with vertical lines" isn't enough to say the painting is OR isn't "fiery". However, if they were so detailed in their description that you could actually picture the exact painting in your mind, then you could ascribe aesthetic properties. The teacher tried to say that no level of detail in your description could be enough. This is lunacy so far as I'm concerned, as well as with much of the class.

Enough of that. Let's see, yesterday was a broken day for me. I didn't have either of my classes because the teacher had jury duty, and then I was only at work for about an hour and a half because we had too many people working and not enough work to do. So much for making up that $600 I spent; I made $6.

I did get to spend the evening otherwise, however, thanks to having no work; De (should it be "D" or "De"?) and I went to the mall, had coffee, watched the hamsters run around, climb on each other, and *cough*mate*cough*. It was a fun evening, except now she's going to teach me how to knit! *runs and hides*

I guess that's about all I have to say. The library here closes in 30 minutes, so I think I'll go home and catch up on some homework. Bis später meine Freunde und meine Freundinnen!

P.S. - Don't forget... Mmmm... Banana!

My Logical Discovery

2005-02-23T12:51:00.000-05:00

Ok, this is how I beat the teacher/author (depending on who actually screwed up the proof)...

Here is the proof as shown by my teacher:

Key Terms -

Op: a fact or condition about the world that would be true in all possible worlds(for instance, the laws of logic and mathematics)
Np: a fact or condition about the world that no human(s) could even remotely be morally responsible for (for instance, the state of the universe before humanity existed)
S: Any single moment in history. (for the purposes of this proof, we'll take one before humanity existed)
L: The laws of nature
T: Any truth
->: this is an "if, then" modifier. It means "this, therefore that"

Logical Rules -

Rule A: Op -> Np (If something is true in all possible worlds, then no human can be held morally responsible for it)
Rule B: Np + N(p -> q) -> Nq (If no human can be held responsible for some fact p, and if p is true, then q must be true too, then no human can be held responsible for q either)

Proof -

O((S + L) -> T) (this is the definition of what determinism is, as the author describes it. "Any one moment in history, plus the laws of nature, can reveal the truth about any other time or place." The O in front is controversial, in that it might be possible for other worlds to exist where determinism is not true.)
O(S -> (L -> T)) (this is just logical rearrangement. All you need to know is that it means the same thing as the first statement. Essentially the first one is allowing either S or L to change, causing T to be true. The second, however, is saying that if we fix S, then only L can change to cause T to be true)
N(S -> (L -> T)) (Using Rule A, I can change the O to an N)
Ns (This is a premise. This represents a moment for which no human is responsible. An instance of this would be a time before humans existed. Humans cannot be responsible for something that happened before they existed. There obviously was a time before humans existed, so this is a valid premise.)
N(L -> T) (Using Rule B, I can say that no human is responsible for the fact that the laws of nature entail what is true. I can do this, because the above premise states that there is a time for which no human is responsible.)
Nl (Another premise. This says that no human is responsible for the laws of nature. I think it is relatively obvious that this is true.)
Nt (This is the conclusion. Using Rule B again, we can say that no human is morally responsible for any truth. That would include any actions, thoughts, facts, etc about the world. I can do this because the above premise states that no human is responsible for the laws of nature.)

I found this to be a very powerful argument, that on the surface, beyond the logical figures, makes great sense. If the past and the laws of nature determine our future, and we cannot control the past or the laws of nature, how can be be held responsible for what we do in our futures?

There still was that problem with that first statement though. As we were discussing the matter, however, it occurred to me that if determinism is true, that no human would be responsible for its being true. Furthermore, it would seem that the very process of determinism is in itself a law of nature! Since we cannot be held responsible for the laws of nature, we cannot be held responsible for determinism!

I raised my hand. When the teacher called on me, I pointed out that it would be easier to just say "

N((S + L) -> T)" in the first statement. He looked that over, figured out where the argument would go from there, and after a moment, agreed with me. Not only did this solve the original problem, but it also removed the need for rule A completely, and simplified the argument to look like this:

N((S + L) -> T)
N(S -> (L -> T))
Ns
N(L -> T)
Nl
Nt

Thus, I defeated the author/teacher in discovering the best possible proof. The person in front of me told me that I should write a book. I think this blog entry will do. On Tuesday, we will discuss other objections to this argument, and I'm sure I will discover that my findings about this argument are pointless because the whole argument is wrong somehow. For now, however, I will enjoy my moment of triumph!

I hope you were all able to understand the proof I laid out above. Please comment if there is anything that is unclear, and I will try to remedy the confusion. Thanks everyone!

Waking Up

2005-02-23T11:23:00.000-05:00

Good morning everyone! Yes, it is still morning as I write this, so long as you don't live in Europe or Asia, although some of you out there apparently do. I'm only here now because my PHIL 150 teacher has jury duty today, and I don't have class. I wonder if I'll have my class later, since I have the same teacher.

Anyways, here I am up in the library again. I found this generally quite place with computers (something I didn't expect) and with a great view. It's nice... I think I'll be up here a lot more in the coming weeks.

Yesterday, I called up the mechanic who worked on my car Monday, and was told that they ran into a few "problems" along the way to repairing it. Long story short, I ended up owing then $637... Over $200 more than the estimate I was given. I had been saving up money from work for the last month... It's gone in one moment. Car troubles really suck.

Ha, and then things got even better.I went over to the financial department here at school after my classes. I need to ask then a few questions about my bill for the spring semester. I'll make this story short too, and say that Charlestown, which owed me $1000 per semester (500 for my 2 years, 500 for the Davis-Lewis scholarship), only gave me first $500 for each the fall and the spring. Yes, they are going to send the extra money, but now mom is mad at me for having to ask her to pull extra money from my trust fund to cover their mistake. That extra money will end up in my savings account (which I need anyway), but mom assumes that I will therefore piddle it away. Either she just doesn't listen, or she doesn't understand.

Well, ok, so my day wasn't ALL bad. I did get to "correct" the logical proof my teacher put on the board. We were talking about determinism, and the author we're reading was trying to prove that moral responsibility and determinism are incompatible. Well... I'll make a separate post about the proof for anyone who's interested... But it would take too long to explain here.

Later, I also got to take my girlfriend out to see "Hitch" last night. I really enjoyed the movie. It was funny, well made, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't inspirational too.

Playing with M&M's was fun too!

So now, here I am, waiting to learn that my second class is also cancelled, so I can go home and then head off to work for the evening. I'll probably catch up on some reading while I have the time, and hopefully we have a busy night at work, because I need the money.

I suppose that's all I have to say I guess. I suppose that's all I have to say I guess...

"Wake up and face each day like it's on purpose" Alex Hitchins.

Stuff

2005-02-22T13:12:00.000-05:00

Here's something random I found. I liked the answers I got

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	refreshing
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	everlasting

Quiz created with MemeGen!

So I was messing around with this music editing software I downloaded a trial of (it's how I created the song file you hear every time you come to my blog), and changed a couple of songs. It's all very basic stuff, and by the time I get good at doing any mixing, the trial with expire so it's not really worth it. I felt like putting my creations up here for you all to see though.

The HTML involved and geocities are being stubborn, so I can't put the link for these here for you. If you copy and paste these URLs into your address box, they should download. Obviously the first is "Gibberish" by Relient K, and the second is "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot.

http://www.geocities.com/loadsite127/Relient_K_Gibberish.mp3

http://www.geocities.com/loadsite127/Switchfoot_Dare_You_to_Move.mp3

Exploring

2005-02-21T12:37:00.000-05:00

Hello again, all you loyal readers. Welcome to another edition of "Why Your Life Is Better Than Mine!"

Ok, so I don't know about that, my life isn't that bad. Especially now that my hair is a little shorter... Yes, I let my g/f cut my hair last night. She did a pretty good job too, considering that she had never cut anyone else's hair before. I can still style it the way I want to at least, and I don't hear anyone snickering behind my back yet...

I'm sure you wouldn't rather have my life right now in this respect: I just talked to my mechanic, and that biker I've been dragging is going to cost me $400 or more to remove (actually, it's something with my brakes, I think he has to replace them). And I don't want to hear from anyone that I should buy a new car!

Hmmm, so the IMC (where I am now) is closing at 2:30, so when it does, I think I'm going to go exploring around campus, maybe check out the library, looking for a nice, quiet spot. I need a place I can go to study, rest, read, or just enjoy myself without interruption. I work later tonight, and after that repair bill, I need to make a lot of money...

'Til later ya'll!

~~God is love... Love is blind... Ray Charles is blind... Ray Charles is God... Ray Charles is dead... God is dead...~~ (not quite, but I thought it was funny)

Hypnoseel's Quotes:

2005-02-19T20:02:00.000-05:00

"Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?" - Homer, "The Illiad"

"Say nothing of my religion. It is known to God and myself alone. Its evidence before the world is to be sought in my life: if it has been honest and dutiful to society the religion which has regulated it cannot be a bad one." - Thomas Jefferson

"Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not." - Epicurus (ancient Greek philosopher)

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." - James Oppenheim (I don't know who he is, but he's right)

"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.... 'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Everything is meaningless!'.... Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11, 12:8, 13-14

This quiz my brother filled out...

2005-02-18T19:24:00.000-05:00

1. First Name: Nic

2. Were you named after anyone? Not that I know of, but then again, I wasn't exactly there to hear my parents pick out my name

3. Do you wish on stars? Wish, no. Gaze, yes.

4. When did you last cry? A couple weeks ago.

5. Do you like your handwriting? It's ok. I'll put it up on eBay though if anyone wants to buy it.

6. What is your favorite lunchmeat? Either ham or roast beef. I don't eat much lunchmeat though.

7. What is your birth date? June 11, 1984

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Like, what's the CD I'm most embarrassed to say that I own? That would probably be "Stereotype Be" from Kevin Max. I bought it because I really liked one song on there, and after listening to the whole CD, I realized I still only liked that one song.

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Probably not. Knowing me, I'd never even talk to myself, which is funny because I talk to myself all the time!

10. Are you a daredevil? At times.

11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? No... Well, once I almost told someone that my friend once had A... Oh wait, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone that. *shuts up*

12. Do looks matter? Not really.

13. How do you release anger? I talk to myself or to the wind, write, or sleep it off.

14. Where is your second home? Lol, probably my girlfriend's house. Sometimes I'm over there every day for a week, and others I'm never there. Although, I liked the my brother's answer about heaven being my first home.

15. Do you trust others easily? Yep. What do you mean that's a bad thing?!?!

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Um... This little cassette recorder my brother and I carried around. We created whole tapes of silly sounds and stories. We still have them somewhere.

17. What class in high school do you think was total waste of time? CINS 111. I didn't like it, so I dropped out.

18. Do you have a journal? Sort of. I "sort of" have many of them.

19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Suuuuure.

20. What are your nicknames? Um... Maybe... But I won't tell you any of them.

21. Would you bungee jump? I cannot say until I'd be about to jump.

22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope. It kills the back of the shoe too.

23. Do you think that you are strong? Moderately. I'm sure there are plenty of stronger people around me.

24. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and Cream.

25. Shoe Size? On my right foot or my left? Approximately 12.

26. Red or pink? Blue.

27. There is no question #27?

28. Who do you miss most? Short term or long term? Short term, my girlfriend. She's out as an EMT tonight and I won't get to see her tonight like I hoped earlier. Long term, my Grandfather. He was so great to me and my family while he was alive.

29. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? I don't really care. Since I'm not really sending to anyone, I don't expect anything.

30. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Black jeans, and right now, no shoes. When I do have them on, my shoes are white, black, and red.

31. What are you listening to right now? It was "Gone" by Tobymac and now it's "Frail" by Jars of Clay.

32. Last thing you ate? PB&J. There's nothing else to eat here now.

33 If you were a color what would you be? "The deepest of blues"

34. What is the weather like right now? Dark. Cold. Clear. Windy.

35. Last person you talked to on the phone? My girlfriend, before she left for the firehouse.

36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile.

37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No one sent it to me. I got it from my brother's blog, and I guess I kinda sorta like him... Maybe...

38. What's your favorite Drink? Suicide. Mix everything ya got together!

39. Favorite Sport? 1) Football. 2) Baseball

40. Hair Color? Brown.

41. Eye Color? Hazel, blue, or somewhere in between.

42. Do you wear contacts? Nope.

43. Favorite Food? So hard to say. I guess you'll have to ask me later. Maybe I'll post a comment to my own entry with a few.

44. Last Movie You Watched? "Shark Tale". It was ok. I enjoyed the company better than the movie.

45. Favorite Day Of The Year? Hmmm. June 10. (for no apparent reason) *grins*

46. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Can't scary movies have happy endings? Both are good in my opinion.

47. Summer or Winter? Both are good in their own ways, and they both are necessary. "Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder, You are summer... Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter, You are winter"

48. Hugs OR Kisses? Both.

49. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Oreo cheesecake comes to mind right now...

50. What Books Are You Reading? "Mortal Questions", "Free Will", "Aesthetics and the Philosophy of Art" (all are school books).

51. What's On Your Mouse pad? Lots of little black cubes, a large gray circle, and The word "Dell" written three different times. Fun stuff.

52. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? "Without a Trace".

53. Favorite Smell? Mmm... Strawberry

54. Favorite Sounds? Um, music?

55. What's the furthest you've been from home? Germany, or my mind. I don't know which is farther.

56. Have you ever told your crush u liked him/her? I suppose in a way.

57. Are you ready to be done? NO! What do you mean this is the last question?!?! How dare you end this thing so abruptly! I'm going to find the person who wrote this and kidnap them and make them write more questions until their brain explodes just like a scanner!!!!!

More stuff that no one will really read...

2005-02-18T14:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I guess I said yesterday that I had my first set of days off in almost two weeks. Well, it seems that I was wrong. That's right, they called me into work. It seems that nobody can seem to hold their schedules there, as I have worked for more people in my short time at ledos than I ever did in three years at Charlestown. It's not the worst thing in the world, seeing as I pulled in $55 for 4 hours of work, but it still gets annoying when every couple of days someone is asking me to work for them and I feel obligated to have a good excuse as to why I can't.

In a completely unexpected change of topic, my Discussion Group earlier today was talking about an article on pornography we had to read for class... This woman claims that pornography is bad because it oppresses women. It should be censored if and only if "it describes degrading and abusive sexual behavior so as to endorse and/or recommend the behavior as described." I have problems with this definition to begin with, but making things worse, our TA tried to argue with me that even if we censor material which "contributes to the violence of women", we shouldn't censor material which could contribute to violence towards men (apparently because there is no such violence, where there is violence toward women). I'm sick of this topic, and I'm sick of the feministic agendas behind it.

Perhaps later today, me and my $55 will go out and do something fun. I don't know what yet, and it all kind of hinges on who could go with me, but I'll probably do something. For now, I have to call up the mechanic and set up a time for him to check on that biker I'm dragging when I drive, then I have to do some reading (I'm so far behind). I think I'll read about why my life is absurd ("Mortal Questions" by Thomas Nagel).

If I can't swim after 40 days, and my mind is crushed by the crashing waves...
LIFT ME UP!

Sihj

2005-02-17T13:40:00.000-05:00

So hey ya'll. anyone out there? I'm posting again, and for the first time, I am actually posting something other than a list. I suppose that's a good sign.

Let's see, what's been happening in my life recently... well, my girlfriend and I spent the evening together two nights ago, for our non-comformist (in a conformist sort of way) Day-After-Valentine's Day. Of course, I won't say much about that, other than we had a great time. *grins*

What else? I got a B+ on my first paper in a 400 level philosophy course. I'm actually quite happy about that, though I know I need to do better on future papers. I have a bunch of classes that only test me on two or three papers/tests, and that's a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because I'm not constantly overloaded with work that's due, but it's bad because all I have to do is fail one of those and my whole semester goes down in flames like a million parachutes going under like a supernatural homesick flood into the unknown in the end. (ok, at least I thought it was funny.)

Mmmm... pancakes. Thanks D!

Sorry, I know that was random. Oh well, thats me, Mr. Random. Well, not really, but maybe I can be Mr. Rambler; lets see how long I can talk here without really saying anything... Ok, I'll stop. Guess I failed.

Yup, and for the first time in nearly two weeks, I actually have more than one day off from work in a row! I worked 8 out of last 10 days through these last two weeks, and now I don't work again until sunday. Yay for me!

You're cold that way
And that's why you say
The things that you say
You can't attract
The things that you lack
You're trying in vain

It seems it's always the crazy times
You find you'll wake up and realize.
It takes more than your saline eyes
To make things right

You spiral down
You've broken your crown
You don't feel like a queen
You've seen the proof
But you're still crying wolf
You'll never believe

It seems it's always the crazy times
You find you'll wake up and realize.
It takes more than your saline eyes
To make things right.

Try to climb a broken ladder
Grip the missing rungs
And fall down down down down
Seems some time ago you said
This wouldn't last
And now you sit here crying, yeah

Beside your bed
You feel left for dead
You kneel in the dark

It takes more than your saline eyes
To make things right.
It seems it's always the crazy times
You find you'll wake up and realize
It takes more than your saline eyes
To make things right

-"Crazy Times" by Jars of Clay

I'll leave you all now with that thought. Byes until next time.

Stuck between classes... life...

2005-02-10T16:57:00.000-05:00

Here's a little description of each of my classes this semester so far:

Contemporary Moral Issues. Ok, I think I might like this class a little later in the semester, but for now we keep hearing about what various XXX sites say on their front pages, completely uncensored. *shudders* I'm scarred for life. Yes, we are dicussing pornography... whether it is morally problematic, why, etc... It will be a generally straightforward ethical logic class, however, so I think I'll enjoy it quite a bit by the time it's all finished. We'll be talking about the death penality, physician assisted suicide, and abortion as well, and those are issues I think I can get into and agrue about.

Advanced Ethics: Moral Psychology. Same teacher as the moral issues class, but the class is a more advanced model (I'm only taking the lower-level one because I have to take it sometime). We've been reading an article about "death" and why or why not it is a bad thing that we die.

"If death is the unequivocal and permanent end of our existence, the question arises whether it is a bad thing to die.... On the one hand it can be said that life is all we have and the loss of it is the greatest loss we can sustain. On the other hand it may be objected that death deprives this supposed loss of its subject, and that if we realize that death is not an unimaginable condition of the persisting person, but a mere blank, we will see that it can have no value whatsoever, positive or negative" - Thomas Nagel

What we're going to talk about that I'm really looking forward to is the age-old question, "What is the meaning of life?" I am curious as to what conclusion eberyone eventually comes to.

Aesthetics: Philosopy of Art. This class is boring me out of my mind. We are trying to determine "what is the definition of art?". And regardless of what anyone offers, the teacher always has a counter-example. So today someone poses the idea that art is subjective, and something that I call art, you may not. She rejects this outright. He says that someone might consider this chair he's sitting in to be art, whereas someone else might not. Essentially, the argument boils down to "since the chair isn't in the setting of the art world (it isn't in a museum), then it isn't art. Put the same chair in the art world, then it is art." This however, is cirular reasoning to the fact that we already stated that something is not art simply because someone puts it into a museum. It had to be art before then or no one would have put it in the museum in the first place.

Freedom, Determinism, and Responsibility. This has always been an issue I have pondered, so I am really enjoying this class. Right now we are talking about Hume and how determinism and freedom can both occur at the same time.

Top Ten

2005-02-10T13:16:00.000-05:00

My top ten reasons for not blogging, in no specific order:

Blue screen errors
It's not theraputic for me
Who really has the time?
No emoticons?!
No one reads this anyway
Someone might read this!!
I'm talking to you now, isn't that better than reading something impersonal I wrote?
I never have enough to write about
Why would anyone need more than one blog?!
Am I finished yet?

Anyways, I think you get the picture. Don't expect me to blog too often, that way if I do, it's a pleasant surprise....